Term #22: Bullet Wounds

Bullet Wounds: [Bool-it woondz] the inevitable result of a rampaging presenter spraying bullet points all over an audience; one of the leading causes of Post-Traumatic Presentation Disorder (PTPD).

Whether at the hands of an enemy, or as a result of friendly fire, bullet wounds are almost always an extremely serious injury. From the moment that the pupils perceive that small, devilish line up of round characters on the projection screen, they begin to dilate in sheer terror until the iris is stretched out like a rubber band. At this point of maximum elasticity, the mundane facts and figures leap from the screen, plunge deep into the brain, and almost instantly inflict upon the victim attention death disorder.

Wounds occurring from bullet points do not bleed or swell; they misbehave. Quite often, the only sign that a massacre has taken place in a meeting room is that the entire audience is scrolling through their mobile devices for entertainment. An estimated 53% of tweets and Facebook status updates worldwide occur in the painful moments following the unfortunate receipt of a bullet wound. Experts believe this is an autonomic response as the brain desperately grasps for contact with the real world. The impact of boring, poorly presented data on the brain is indeed serious.

Healing time varies for each individual, and wound-severity is also a factor. Faced with multiple lists of bullet points, or even just one extremely long list, some individuals may not behave appropriately in meetings for up to three months. Some individuals have been known to experience PTPD, or Post-Traumatic Presentation Disorder, and simply scream at the sight of projectors and podiums.

The Takeaway: Don’t count on your audience to convert raw data, statistics, and information into meaningful, long-lasting content. As the expert presenter, it is your job to take dangerous bullet point figures and soften them into cuddly Nerf ball stories that the audience can process safely.

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