Have you ever wondered how your unique speaking style developed? One of my favorite things about teaching public speaking is watching my students’ different speaking styles. A “good” speaker doesn’t sound like every other “good” speaker. And as my students watch each other present, they realize that a message can be communicated effectively in many different ways.
So let’s dig into where your speaking style came from, how to appreciate other styles, and how to make your style as effective as possible.
How Your Style Developed
Dr. Deborah Tannen is a professor, writer, and an expert in communication styles. In her article, “Don’t Just Sit There-Interrupt!” Pacing And Pausing In Conversational Style, she says that “conversational styles are learned growing up, as one learns to talk. So our styles are influenced by the social groupings that determine whom we hear and talk to growing up.” That’s why family members often sound so similar.
Your unique speaking style is a complex mesh of lots of things. Your family culture, the educational influences you’ve had, the speakers you admire, the leaders you’ve worked under, and more. All throughout your life, you’ve picked up different clues about how those around you communicate. And without even realizing it, you’ve emulated them.
Appreciating Style Diversity
You probably tend to appreciate speaking styles that are familiar to you. Ones that are similar to your own style. However, don’t be too quick to dismiss speakers who present a little differently. Tannen says, “In books, articles, and lectures, I have tried to show that negative impressions often result from differences in conversational style-differences among women and men; Easterners, Southerners, and Northerners; people of different ethnicity, class, and age. But again and again I come up against some people’s resistance to the idea that there are different ways of doing things that are equally valid.”
If you are listening to a presentation and the speaker’s style rubs you the wrong way, see if you can identify specifically why. Don’t just settle for “I don’t like this speaker.” Dig into exactly what it is that bothers you. In doing so, you’ll learn more about the components of public speaking. Then, name a few things about that speaker’s style that you appreciate. Too often we label a speaker “annoying” or “boring” and we miss out on important ideas just because we don’t initially like their style.
Making Your Style Effective
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Good public speaking is elevated conversation. Joey Asher of Speechworks says you should aim to “speak with the same energy that you bring when you’re talking to a close friend and you’re speaking with intensity.”
So when you present, your goal should be to take all that is great and unique and engaging about your unique conversational style and to elevate it. If you are someone who tells great stories during conversation, work that natural skill into your presentations. Maybe you have the ability to teach and explain things in a way that makes it easy for people to understand. That is something you’ll want to continue to rely on when you deliver a more formal message. On the other hand, if you aren’t someone who tells great jokes very naturally in conversation, you probably don’t want to try to be a comedian during your speech. The goal is to figure out what you are naturally good at in everyday communication. Then, you can use that as springboard in your presentations.
The diversity of speaking styles is truly rich and beautiful. As you develop your skills as a speaker, keep examining your own style, appreciating and learning from the styles of others, and embracing the unique way you communicate.
Ready to figure out your speaking style? Get in touch with a presentation coach now.
