Not every hug is made equal, and the older we get the more likely we are to consider motivation a crucial aspect of affection. I had a cousin whose hugs were really opportunities to steal candy from the hug-ee; I had a teacher in high school that was too obviously lonely to even be near. And anyone can tell the difference between a child that wants attention because he is hurt, and a child who wants attention because he wants attention. But surely a fully formed adult has the emotional maturity to overcome the latter, right?
Jerry Seinfeld has already nailed the hilarity of our psychological weakness–that people fear public speaking more than dying. But few of us are truly “fearful” of public speaking, because “fear” pertains to real, existing threats*. When I enter a freestyle rap contest in Compton, I am afraid. When I present to a group of third graders on what I do for a living, I am “anxious”.
Anxiety pertains to worries about the unknown. Now, sometimes you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if you botch your presentation, you will be fired, foreclose, and wander the streets of your hometown with your children clothed in hopsack. It’s time to join Toastmasters if this is you.
For the rest of us, the energy spent feeling anxious is futility personified. Time that could be spent thinking about your presentation and actually being effective is funneled away to an imaginary place that isn’t even fun to play in. Controlling anxiety isn’t about somehow overcoming your feelings; it’s as simple as focusing on the task at hand. Anxiety has more in common with ADD than it does fear.
*If, after reading this blog post, you realize that you actually are experiencing fear in this moment in time, please stop reading and seek shelter, medical attention, career advice, or other forms of fear-mitigating expertise.
