People might be tempted to think this is a pirate campaign, especially given the coincidental name of the upcoming presentation conference Hook. Truth be told, Captain Hook is a naturally gifted presenter with a knack for flair and compelling visuals–remember when he shoots a member of his own crew to prove a point? If you’ve been looking for that ace-in-the-hole, get their attention trick, look no further.
But we’re not into pirates. There’s a certain nostalgia for the breed, and something inherently interesting about the waterlogged variants of Robin Hood, but still, Hook is not a pirate convention.
You know what else it isn’t? A baby conference. Pirates and babies seem to be the only groups regularly sporting eyepatches. But the “I Wear An Eyepatch” campaign is not for people who accidentally scratched their cornea with a binky; it’s for seriously disaffected audience members who have taken either literal or figurative retribution on their ocular function, punishing the eyes for transmitting heinous PowerPoint designs to the brain.
I wear an eyepatch because as much as I want to watch my child grow up, I want to retain the mental faculties necessary to give meaning to his development. In the trenches, witnessing bullet point lists and inexplicable charts in action, it is clearly an either/or decision. I believe a highly evolved brain can only withstand a small amount of nonsense. Too much, and the brain turns on itself as if possessed by a mutant virus–a mutant virus determined to perpetrate ocular harm on its host.
I wear an eyepatch because said virus has liberated one of two eyes. I wear an eyepatch because now my brain consumes half of the brutally constructed presentations it once did. I wear an eyepatch so that not only can I watch my child grow up, but I can do so with the full functioning power of my brain.
If you wear an eyepatch–and if you are out there in the social media universe blogging, tweeting, digging, etc.–get involved: visit the Eyepatch campaign page today to get the details and learn what’s in it for you!
